Tuesday, June 7, 2011

BUT I LOVE HIM by Amanda Grace

 But I Love Him by Amanda Grace
Young Adult Contemporary
Flux, 2011
ISBN: 978-0-7387-2594-9
Source: library

This book surprised me. In a good way.

From the back cover:

Sometimes at night, I wake up and stare at the heart for hours. I think of how I collected each piece from the beach, how I glued it all together into one big sculpture. I wonder if Connor realizes what it means, that he'll always have a piece of me no matter what happens. Each piece of glass is another piece of myself that I gave to him.

It's too bad I didn't keep any pieces for myself.

This is not your typical "abusive relationship" story, although it very well could have been, had the author not decided to tell it backwards.

That's right. Backwards. The entire novel is a string of flashbacks. Unfortunately, this is the very same reason why I struggled through the first 50 or so pages. The timeline takes some getting used to. But I'm so glad I stuck with it.

We start with Ann in a very bad place, made clear by the very first sentence: I lie in pieces on the floor. Then we are shown the events that led up to this pivotal moment. Every so often, the story jumps back (ahead?) to the opening scene.

Which, in my opinion, is crucial. If we hadn't kept going back/forward to that moment, the character arc would have collapsed by the end. Because the end is really the beginning, so by that point we already know everything that happened/is going to happen. In any good story, the main character has to make a tough decision at the end. Ann does just that in the final flash forward.

And that was the scene in which I completely lost all my composure, followed quickly after by the final-final scene, the day Ann and Connor meet, and, being already in a state of sobbery from the scene before it, it was just too much to take--all the innocence of that first meeting coupled with the knowledge of the downward spiral that follows...

I pretty much died at the end of this book. It's that good.

But let's go back to the heart of glass in the blurb and on the cover for a minute. I love when stories have an object of value (to the main character) tying everything together. Every time this heart was mentioned in a scene I felt a little closer to Ann, understood her a little more. It starts out broken, as does her figurative heart, and then as we travel backwards through time we see how she put it all together while Connor progressively crushed her heart.

It's an amazing parallel to the story of Ann and Connor's relationship. So fragile, yet sharp-edged like broken glass. And at one time, it was beautiful. But now it's shattered.

The thing I liked even more than the parallel of the glass heart and the brilliance of telling the story backwards, however, was the presentation of the characters. In a book like this it's easy to make the abuser flat. One dimensional. But Connor isn't, and that's one of the main things that kept me turning pages. It's also easy to make the victim unsympathetic. You get to a certain point in a story like this, and you just want to shake her, saying, "Get away from him! Why don't you just leave already?!"

Ann gives the simply-stated-yet-not-simply-understood answer in the title: But I Love Him. A situation like this is never black and white.

If this is subject matter you normally shy away from because you feel the story has already been told in every possible way, then I highly recommend reading this book. It might just surprise you in the good way it did me. 5 of 5 stars, and a contender for my Best Read of 2011.



Richard said...
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Jane Steen said...

To get back to the subject of the book... ;D

Lydia, I don't usually read YA, but this one went on my TBR list. The reverse chronology structure and the glass heart motif just grabbed me. I remember the first time I saw the movie of Harold Pinter's Betrayal, how struck I was by the idea of telling a story backwards. I so want to try to do this at some point, and I have the perfect WIP for it.

Thanks for the recommendation.

Pamala Knight said...
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Pamala Knight said...

I sampled this title on my Kindle and OMG, the first pages drew me in so completely that I downloaded it immediately.

The characterizations are so bold yet nuanced (Connor could easily be written off as a cliched villain but you feel for him and understand what made him that way--not that I condoned his behavior at all) and it packed an emotional punch from the first page to the last.

Originally I wanted to read it because my own WIP has some chronology issues and I wanted to see how it might be done, and can I just say wow? The structure of the book completely adds to its impact, so a bonus for me.

Thanks for the excellent review Lydia.

P.S. Really, Richard?

stacy said...

I think the Richard thing is spam. The exact same comment appeared on my blog and I deleted it because I don't allow soliciting on my blog. Unless it's something I'm soliciting, of course.

Olga said...

Thank you for the recommendation, this book is going on my list right away. The idea of a reverse chronological order of the narrative is intriguing, I've never read anything like that before. And the subject matter... well, let's just say that it's too easy to fall into that sort of trap and I'm glad there are books out there that talk about it.

Lydia Sharp said...

Thank you all for adding this to your TBR lists! I would love to know what you think of it after reading. Too bad we can't all get together in person and have a book club type discussion. I'd even make cookies. :D

And last but not least... *poof* spam-B-gone!

Lydia Sharp said...


I totally agree about Connor. You want to hate him, you really do. But at the same time... errrrggghhh! You can't help but feel for him. That's some damn good storytelling.

Claire Dawn said...

I read an interview with Mandy (Amanda Grace) and it's been on my TBR since then.

She said that one of the reasons for writing backwards was that ppl are always watching these stories judgmentally. But she wanted to tell it in such a way that you saw how the character could end up there, and you had to seriously question, "At which point would I leave?"

Lydia Sharp said...


She's exactly right. And I think it's brilliant.

There is an interview with her at the end of the novel which I really enjoyed, too.